Daily musings 1: Those crystallizing moments


Hey there folks! I am doing something kind of new today. In the spirit of self actualization I am hoping to start making myself sit down and write for one hour a day. My first attempt at this is a kind of self reflection. Honestly, I do not know where I am going to go with this. I am just going to focus trying to write everyday and I am going to share it here as a way to hold myself accountable. If anyone reading these things ever has any topic requests please leave comments below. Anyways enjoy.

 

 

     Have you ever had one of those moments where it feels as if the entire universe falls into place and you recognize that you are exactly where you need to be. In these moments time seems to slow down for the briefest of instances, it is almost like you have found the perfect harmony with everything.

     I haven’t had very many of these moments but I have had a few. Most of time when I try to talk to people about them they look at me as if I am slow or speaking a unknown language. Never the less I want to try and put one of these experiences into words. Who knows, maybe my writing will illuminate what conversation could not.

     The moment I want to share requires a little bit of backstory. When I graduated high school I was a headstrong fool like most of us are at that age. I was in a band, I was in my first serious relationship and I was sick and tired of doing what people wanted me to do. However, life caught up to me as it has a way of doing and at the age of 25, after dealing with the sudden loss of my father I decided to re-evaluate some things and got my ass into school.

     Since it had been so long since I had been in school I started out at the local community college. I knew I could get some credits under my belt and then transfer to one of the major in state universities.

     It turns out going back to school was a great decision. I immediately felt like I was where I belonged. Semesters flew by at the community college and I quickly found my lost love of academia. Time flew by in at the community college and I quickly found myself getting ready to move on to the four year school I had intended on going to.

     Switching from the two year community college to the four year university that had tens of thousands of students was a big change. Being as I am not an overly outgoing person I fell into a routine of going to class, then going to work and ending the day at home working on school work. So, in the spring semester of my first year at university when I received an invitation to an informational meeting of a co-ed honors fraternity I decided to throw caution to the wind and put myself out there.

     The idea of this was daunting but I was determined to try and make the most of my collegiate experience and meet some new people. The fact that I went to the intro meeting and a fair number of attractive women, a few of whom I even had things in common with. One thing led to another and I soon found myself in the middle of this fraternities initiation process.

     I was thoroughly enjoying everything about this experience and was even glad to discover that there were a few non traditional students in the group much like myself so I didn’t feel like the old guy. However, due to my general stand-offish nature I never really felt all the way in. Even as I had people reassuring me and trying to help bring me out of my shell.

     So, the end of the semester came and things had gone very well. I was reasonably confident that I was going to make it into the fraternity and I was invited by one of the brothers to an event at a sister chapter at another university. A weekend road trip full of athletic competition and college shenanigans. When I got to the event I found out that it was strange for initiates to go to one of these events so I tried to savor it all the more and I had a ton of fun.

     On the Saturday night there was a big party before everyone drove home on Sunday and I was introduced to a fraternity tradition that created a crystalizing moment for me. In the wee hours of the morning as the official party was wrapping up the final song the DJ played was a fraternity song. By this point I was well past drunk and I watched as the lights came up and this room full of people all locked arms and started singing this song together.

     This moment has been frozen in my mind ever since. I am sure the alcohol certainly helped fuel the feelings I had at this time and I know for sure that fact that there was a participatory musical experience was a huge factor.

     Anyone who has ever come together with others to create music will likely understand that feeling you get when everyone is on the same wavelength. The quality of the performance or the material being performed does not have to be amazing, there is just something about everyone being in harmony with each other.

     Now in this instance I was not singing along because I had never heard the song before, but I was very much in the moment. I have since gotten a copy of the song and found out it is not terribly long, but that first time was an instantaneous eternity. I knew that I had made a great decision and truly felt like I was part of something larger than myself.

     I had spent years prior to that moment kind of wandering through life not really sure of what I was doing and that one moment felt like the universe was reinforcing the path I was on and the choices I had made. Maybe I did not always do the right thing or make the smart move but everything I had done in my life up to that point brought me to that one moment and I fell in love with a group of strangers, most of whom I never even spoke to again after that night.

     I have had other moments in my life that I would put in the same general category as that night but none that left the same lasting impact. It was a rare moment in time when I was able to leave my own head and truly exist in the current moment, which is something that does not come easily for me.

     Prior to this moment I had been familiar with Buddhist thought and read much about the importance of being right here, right now but no single moment in my life had ever so embodied that idea.

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