A Real Man


Hey there folks!


The other day I was idly wasting time sifting through my facebook news feed and I saw some message a friend of mine shared from a group called real men treat women like princesses. I do not recall what the specific message was off the top of my head but what really got under my skin was the damn name of the group. Why does my manhood have to be called into question based on how you want to be treated? What does it even mean to treat someone like a princess? I can only assume that this means I am supposed to treat women like they are better than me to be considered a “real” man. Well, that is just some sexist bullshit right there and you can stick that idea where the sun doesn’t shine.


I believe whole heartedly in equality. I was raised by a woman that taught me how to perform all of the traditional “woman’s duties” around the house; partially because she wanted me to be self sufficient and partially because she hated doing house work. Either way this reinforced the idea that there was nothing I should expect a woman to do. I grew up watching interactions between my parents that broke the mold of traditional gender roles and that very much affects how I see relationships now.


In my mind a relationship should be a partnership of equals that involves a considerable amount of give and take based on the two individuals involved. Forget what a man is supposed to do or what a woman is supposed to do and accentuate your own strengths while helping compensate for your partner’s weaknesses. In this kind of dynamic there is no room for special treatment. Neither partner is better or more powerful than the other because their focus is not on the self, but on each other. If I start treating you like you are special then I am forcing you into a role of dependency and you are no longer my equal.


None of this is to say that you cannot perform nice and caring things for one another, but this behavior should never be expected as that derides the significance of the gesture. Just imagine you wake up one morning to the smell of your favorite breakfast because your lover has not only prepared the meal but is bringing it to you in bed for no reason other than to see the smile on your face as you awaken. Now, imagine your lover does the same exact thing for you but this time they are doing it because it is Tuesday and that is what they are supposed to do. Personally I prefer the former, but maybe that is just me.


The main source of irritation here though has nothing to do with how we conduct ourselves in relationships. I am not here to tell people how to conduct their own affairs. I am never going to treat a woman like a princess, unless of course she is a princess. I want an equal, a partner in crime that I can share my life with and maybe that means I am not compatible with you. What I will not stand for though is you telling me I am not a “real” man because I think your idea is bullshit.


Notice how this entire time I have not insulted those who agree with the initial claim. I have not called their character into question for their beliefs, I simply disagreed. You see in my mind a “real” man is too busy taking care of himself and the ones he loves to worry about telling other people how to live their lives.


2 thoughts on “A Real Man

  1. Excellent post! I have also been told that a “real man” should be able to fix things, like sport, earn the most income, be physically stronger, blah, blah, blah. I understand that men and women are not biologically and psychologically the same (men cannot be pregnant, and women are more emotionally sensitive). But the bottom line is that we are all human beings, and the roles that we play everyday should be interchangeable. Some women prefer to have the doors opened for them, because they are “ladies”, but doesn’t that imply that they “need our help” to open doors, and, therefore, inferior to men? I am not feminist either, but at the same time I think women , like men, can be expected to do a lot of things if they physically and emotionally are able to. Both genders have qualities that can benefit each other. Just my thoughts.


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