Why I Write


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Hey there folks!

 

I am finding myself back on an odd schedule. I have been out of work for roughly 8 months or so, largely to deal with everything that my life has been since mom passed away. Either way, I recognize that I have been posting things in an erratic pattern. In the end I suppose it does not really matter, because the point of all of this is to create, and sometimes to create you are left at the whim of the muse. The topic of the day is to answer the question, why do you write?

 

Why do I write?

 

It is a difficult question to answer. I have no idea how to even put feelings into words sometimes, but then again that is really the heart of what I am doing, when I do write. The rise and swell I feel inside my chest whenever I am caught in an emotional moment is given form and definition when I put pen to paper, or finger to keyboard. This is something that has developed even more meaning as I have pursued this writing workshop.

 

In many ways I am learning that writing is a means for me to truly process all of my emotional baggage. I still carry emotional thumbprints from as far back as I can remember, and when a topic touches on something with me or the muse takes hold of me, that is what I am tapping into. At times it does not even feel like writing, because that implies that I am trying to arrange words in my head. When I am in the moment it feels more like I am ripping bits and pieces out of my chest and spreading them on the page.

 

Even though I realize that recently I have written about giving your emotions their space and allowing yourself to feel them, this is not a skill I am strong in. For as long as I can remember my method to deal with emotions has been more akin to repression or avoidance. Over the years I have become fairly good at doing this, but the side effect of this skill is a numb feeling that grew stronger with practice. For a long time this numb feeling seemed preferable to the emotional turmoil that exists within me, and I became very good at shielding myself in this numbing feeling.

 

However, when I really give myself over to writing and tear open those emotions I am sitting on I find a release. This is especially true when it comes to sharing what I write. Once my words are put down and then released into the world I find I can truly let go of them and move beyond them. Throughout my life I have found other activities that gave me this same feeling, drumming for example is a great release. Yet, nothing else in my life lets me process and deal with all the thoughts in my head the way writing does.

 

So I suppose I write because I have to write. I write because if I do not write I feel like my heart may burst from my chest, either that or I may just grow numb to the world. I write because the world brings me to tears on a regular basis as I stand rapt in awe at its terrible beauty. I write because I must, I cannot live a life true to myself and not write.

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