Hey there folks! Worried I was gone again for another of my lengthy breaks from you? I will admit that I admonished myself at first for not writing because after all the goal of this is to develop the habit of writing, but I realized that that I need to pace myself so I don’t run off to ideas. Not to mention that since nothing else in my life has ever really run on what most would consider a normal schedule, at least since I finished school, I figured why not let this fill that role for me and help normalize my week.
So anyway, today I want to build off of my discussion of family from last week, and talk about one very important part of my family, that being my father. Given the topic brace yourself for a lengthy talk today, because what better way is there to pay homage to a long winded man than with a long winded remembrance. Although if it is to long I may just split it up we shall see.
To say that my father was odd would be a loving way to describe him, as I am sure others may choose their words differently. At any gathering my dad was the guy that mostly kept to himself and always seemed to end up playing with children, which is why most children who knew him loved him, and this was easily one of his most endearing qualities. He was a patient, loving man who proudly wore his favorite hat proclaiming, “Why Be Normal” until the damn thing practically fell off of his head.
While it is easy for me to sit here now that he is gone and remember all of the amazing things about my father, but the truth of the matter is while he was with us I took most of these things for granted. Particularly in my youth, I judged him rather harshly for my perception of his flaws and I was very driven to be nothing like him at all. I knew in my brash and youthful heart that I was stronger and I was going to be what he couldn’t. I always loved him but like many teens I thought Dad didn’t know what the hell he was talking about and I was going to grab life by the proverbial horns.
In fact, the last words I remember speaking to my father were out of frustration as he was telling me what to do about a bill collector on the phone and I basically told him to be quiet and sit down. This ate me up for awhile after his death because your first instinct when losing someone important to you is to exalt them for their positive qualities. I started regretting the brash nature of my youth, particularly as it pertained to him.
As I have come to terms with the loss I have learned top appreciate both views of my father. No matter how great he does not deserve to be put on a pedestal, because he was flawed like everyone else; however, part of the importance of his memory was not just learning what to do but also what not to do. Learning from the strengths and the weaknesses allows me to honor him because I know beyond all doubt the one thing he wanted was for me to succeed and make the most of what I was given.
This has probably been the most difficult and simultaneously therapeutic thing I have ever written and I am spent. I will talk about the lesson I meant to discuss tomorrow; but, before I go allow me to thank all of you for coming on this journey with me. I want you all to know that I love you. So until next time I am the one and only Jason, and sometimes I am an emotional, sappy bastard 🙂