What do you want?
It sounds like a simple question doesn’t it?
This is the question that has been burning itself into my mind for quite some time now. I am not speaking of an immediate need, like food. Nor am I speaking of an addiction, like smoking. I am speaking of the passion or lack thereof that causes you to wake up every day and continue on in this thing called life. I mean seriously, why do it? Wake up that is. Surely it would be easier to just roll over and die. There is no one out there that forces you to get up every day and keep plugging away at life. It would be nice to think that we all know someone who would care enough about us to stop us from just giving up and wasting away, but in the end it is completely our choice to heed their advice or not. Perhaps one could be put into a hospital or asylum of some sort so that they could not end their own existence. However, if one has truly made the decision to give up the mortal coil this would only prolong the inevitable. The point of all of this is simple. We are all going to die, that is the one unavoidable truth of life. Therefore, if you make the choice today to get up and live, why are you doing it? What do you want?
It is my personal belief that many people do not know the answer to this question, because they are afraid to be truly honest with themselves. One of the hardest things to do in life is to turn your judgmental gaze upon yourself, and before you try to tell me that you do not judge things hear me out. We all look at the world around us and assign value to what we see. Some things have a great amount of value, things like family, or money. While, other things have no value or even a negative value like murder, or dirt. By the simple act of assigning value to the things in your life you have made a judgment. You have by choice alone decided that one thing is greater or better than another. For example I love Italian food, meanwhile I am not a fan of British food; thus, I judge Italian food to be better than British food. So if one wishes to answer the question at hand they must be honest with themselves, which means that they must be able to judge themselves as they judge all that is around them. For, we can never truly know what we want if we do not know who and what we are.
Many of you are probably now wondering what the hell my point is. You think I am just babbling and maybe I am. Some of you may have already quit reading. However, for those of you still with me on this discussion, this is for you, and this is for me. I want to answer this question and I want to put it out there in a more permanent form than my thoughts could ever be, even if only to truly understand my answer for myself. I want to, for once in my life take the thoughts and emotions in my head and put them out there for scrutiny by those that care to see, because I am tired of being the silent one that no one knows. I am tired of being the one who feels completely alone yet closes himself off from everything around him, and I am tired of being afraid to say and be that which I truly am. Thus I will answer my own question.
Let me begin by saying that I do not hold to any one particular religious belief. I have no idea who or what God is, yet I know that I believe in God no matter what it is. This is not to say that I believe god is a benevolent creator, nor do I think God is a merciless destroyer. I just know that God is. The second half of this is that I accept the fact that I do not now know, nor will I ever know what the afterlife is. I am not even sure if there is one. What I do know is that I am, and that all I am sure to have is every moment from now until the moment I die. Thus, as cliché as it may sound, I want to make the most of what I do have, life. In the end I want to know that I did the best I could with everything I had. I also want to do everything in my power to help those around me figure out whatever they need to figure out so that they can make the best of what they have. I do not presume to hold the answers for anyone other than myself, but I do believe that I can aid people in finding their own answers.
Granted all of this is based on the assumption that if I am making the most of what I have my basic needs and desires will be met, but like I said at the beginning this question is more about the big picture. At the end of my days I want to know that not only did I make the most out of all that was given to me, but I also did my best to help those around me. We are by our very nature social creatures and no one accomplishes much of anything on their own. I may not be able to pay back the ones that have helped me directly, but I can spread the blessings I have received to others.
As I stated earlier these were thoughts that I had to give a voice, but now I would challenge you to ask yourself the same question.