So I sit here on the 28th anniversary of my birth, bored out of my head, with a restless desire to talk about myself; because, in all honesty I am pretty awesome. I have now outlived some personal icons of mine, such as, Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, and Jimi Hendrix to name a few. Unfortunately I have reached an age where there is little to look forward to as far as birthdays are concerned. From here on out the primary focus will just be my continued survival, much to the chagrin of some I suppose. I mean there are no more great birthdays like 18 or 21, as I am pretty much old enough to do whatever the fuck I want at this point. I cannot yet be a Senator or President, but to be honest I have no desire to sell my soul and therefore have no aspirations to those positions.
I have also come of an age where I have lost a good many of my childhood delusions, aside from the precious few that I refuse to let go of. I know Santa exists dammit! However, I would like to think that I am not yet so jaded as to see nothing worthwhile in the world around me. When I look at the world I see a beautiful and terrible thing that in one moment inspires me with boundless hope and limitless dread. I believe that I have seen my fair portion of what life has to offer, but am sobered by the realization that I have but scratched the surface. I suppose in short I am old enough to know better, but still too young to give a damn.
I am happy to say that, for the first time in recent memory I am happy with where my life is at. I suppose that this feeling really started when I got back into school but it just keeps getting stronger. Although I am still very much a work in progress, I have a sense of purpose and the drive to carry out my ambitions. I have finished my first year at NC State and have 3 semesters to go to finish my bachelors, then if the powers that be deem me worthy I shall move on to post-graduate work and my PhD. Against all odds and contrary to all expectations I find myself in a fraternity. Although I would never have seen myself in a frat I have come to love my “drinking fraternity with an honors problem” :). I must say I especially love the fact that we are co-ed as there is nothing quite like seeing someone’s face when I introduce them to my female brothers. But then again I have always liked to defy expectations when at all possible, and find a strange sense of joy in confusing the hell out of people, thanks Dad.
I suppose all of my experiences have taught me to embrace change instead of fearing it. Ultimately to get to where I want to be a great many things are going to have to change, and resisting those changes will only keep me trapped in the same old rut. This may all seem obvious to some, but I have always been a person that likes to be in control of what is going on. However, as I have grown older I have come to realize that the only thing I can truly control is myself, everything else is out of my hands. Sometimes you just need to be able to trust in yourself enough to let go and let yourself get caught up in the current. In the end all we can do is to make the most of the hand we have been dealt. Some changes will hurt like hell, such as the death of my father, others will be incredible, such as my new-found fraternity, and I guess that is just life. So here is to the friends I have loved and lost, the friends that I will come to love, all those who come along with me on this journey, and to another year and all that it will entail. Cheers!